you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
