my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
