Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize