I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize