Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
