if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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