omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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