i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
