You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
