Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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