We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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