Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
