What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
