So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
