oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
