I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
