i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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