so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
