Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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