Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You smell like stripper and shame
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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