4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
