A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Im part way to drunk.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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