Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
