I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
