Im at strip club and am horny
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
