weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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