He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
