hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
