Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
