The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I could make wine with my vomit
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
