I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
