My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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