so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
