I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
