drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
