If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
