Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.