I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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