I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.