my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?