Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.