i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.