Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Boobs are out for the taking
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
