pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
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I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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