i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
They took my balls.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
