I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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