forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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