I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
