corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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