so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
