I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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