Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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