I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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