you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
