You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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