Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
