we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
So. Much. Porn.
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