I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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