so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
