I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
