What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Even my vagina gasped.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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