So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
