Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
