I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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