it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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