last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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