If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
