also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so let's talk penis.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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