We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
