did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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