I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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