Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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