Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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