oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
