hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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