It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
